Return to Camp Kanawanahala
by Nova-chan
Summary: Well, it's time once again for the Slayers to be camp counselors at the evil Camp Kanawanahala Kinda Wanna HollerGourry. Oh, the horror! Includes two dark lords, and your old faves!
1. Meet and Greet

Return to Camp Kanawanahala

--

NoV: At least I think that's how it's spelled.....

Zel: Why do you continuously revisit old torture fics?

Xelloss: Who's complaining? At least there's no more Filia/me nonsense.....

NoV: Oh, I'm just taking a short break. You're still looking at twenty more chapters on that one.

Xelloss: (blanches)

Bisho: (yawn) Is it time for brunch yet?

NoV: -.-0 Anyway, I'm making a sequel in commemoration of the end of the last summer of my free life. After this is over, and I get through this last year of school, I'll be out in the crazy world....alone....

Amelia: Don't worry, Miss Nova-chan! I'll be with you the whole way, helping you to study and making sure you always lead a life that would make Justice proud.

NoV: (blanches)

Gourry: Where's the kitchen? It's been so long, I forgot where you stuck it.....

NoV: Third door on the left. Just restocked it. Go crazy.

Lina: Wait for me!!

NoV: (sigh) Well, this will be a story akin to the first one (A Slayers Camping Story), except with marvelous new characters!

--

Quote of the New Story:

Bisho: If you eat that, I swear I will die.

--

Lina blew her shiny new whistle, to gather the attention of the multitude of small children gabbing at one another. Once she was sure they were all looking at her, she said, "Welcome, campers, to another great summer at Camp Kanawanahala!"

Zelgadis was absolutely certain that he had no idea how he had gotten dragged into this a second time. The last time he had worked as a counselor at this camp of hell, he had been smashed on the foot with a steel target, had overdosed on aspirin, and was carted off to a mental hospital. Whatever evil force was lurking had another thing coming if it thought it could induce another experience like THAT!

Amelia was smiling cheerfully at the campers. She couldn't wait to serve as lifeguard at the pool (and not get bitten by piranha), help the children learn to make smores (and not fall into the fire), and sing campfire songs (and, once again, not fall into the fire). Being an ambassador of Justice, she knew she had to remain strong even in the face of an opposition such as the dreaded Camp Kanawanahala.

Xelloss knew that he was being punished by some irate god who just didn't like him. He should never have taken those donuts from that little girl, but he had been trying to diet, and it didn't work out, and.....oh, not that it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that he made sure he stayed FAR, FAR away from the mess hall. The last time he had gone in there, he had been attacked by an army of mops. Suddenly, Xelloss remembered something: the kitchen was the only place on the whole campground that had ice cream! Beautiful, huge steel canisters of it! It looked as if he might have to risk encountering those possessed mops once again......

Filia was as far away from Xelloss as possible, still standing in view of the campers. She had to do this for Val's sake. He was her special little boy and she had to protect him from bugs, animals, chemicals, UV rays, and namagomis, especially. Just one week of this hellish place (hopefully she wouldn't be trapped in anymore rickety cabin basements) and she and Val would be that much closer. She sighed. These were the years she would remember forever.

Val crossed his arms across his chest. Once again he had been dragged to the freaky camp against his will. When was his mom going to realize that he wasn't a kid anymore? He was currently FIFTEEN years old and she still acted like he was five! He should have been aiding as a counselor, but, NO. He was stuck standing three feet taller than all the other "camp-happy tykes" wearing that ridiculous kiddie outfit that hadn't fit him in six years. This was surely going to be the suckiest week of his entire life.

Gourry could smell the rabbit. He knew what it wanted. It wanted to eat his organs for lunch. No matter how hard he tried to get that satanic rabbit off his trail, it always tracked him down. Now, he was back in the den of that fiendish bunny. He was playing on its field now. And there was no way to be prepared for any surprise attacks.....Gourry also smelled macaroni and cheese cooking in the oven. He wished Lina would hurry up and let him go eat before HE ate his organs.

Gaav, much like Zelgadis, couldn't believe he had been forced into coming to this campsite. He didn't even like kids! He didn't even like ANYONE! In the end, Lina had had to threaten to change him back into bunny-Gaav to get him to comply. Well, if she could use blackmail, so could he. All he had to do was find some.....

Phibby had decidedly joined the kids, wanting to get the "camper experience." He did fit in with them, after all. (Better than Val did, anyway!) At least that crazy Martina girl was nowhere to be found. She was the most annoying, insane, talkative human he had ever been forced into contact with! She talked endlessly about NOTHING! And what in the NINE HELLS was Gaav doing there? Phibby KNEW he had obliterated that thorn in his side, at least....and now, here he was....resurrected?

"All right!" Lina exclaimed, finishing up her "Welcome Campers" speech. "Follow your color designated counselors to your bunks, and everyone meet up in the mess hall in half an hour! Red team, follow me!" She began to lead a troupe of little girls with red t-shirts to a little cabin on the hill.

The remaining children milled around, trying to find their "color designated counselors," as Lina had so eloquently put it. The kids with white shirts went with Amelia, purple shirts with Xelloss, pink with Filia, yellow with Gourry, orange with Gaav, and a peculiar group of children with rainbow-colored t-shirts went with Zelgadis. Whether disappointed with the counselor they were paired with or not, the children followed them to their individual cabins, anticipating an exciting week at Camp Kanawanahala.

--

Lina's group of twenty or so girls gazed around the wall wooden walls of their shoddy cabin. They suspiciously eyed the nails sticking out of the floors and walls, the stained mattresses atop the flimsy bed stands, and the non-existent bathroom.

Lina also noticed these things with a disgruntled eye. However, for the sake of the campers (and the $50 an hour she was getting for the job), she was determined to keep everyone in high spirits. "All right, ladies!" she called out to the rapidly depressing girls. "Pick out a bunk and roll out your sleeping bag! Remember, Red Cabin can do anything!!"

One outgoing little girl (whom we shall assign the name Mindy) claimed one of the crumbling beds. The moment she set her overstuffed backpack onto it, however, the bed collapsed, as did the rickety section of the floor it was on.

Lina stared. "That can't be good......"

--

Meanwhile, Amelia was _still_ leading her white-shirted group of girls to the cabin farthest from the mess hall. This would have been a disadvantage had it not be the closest to the pool. However, some of the tender-footed little girls were beginning to complain.

"Camper lady!" one cried to Amelia. "I got a rock in my shoe!"

"Oh, don't worry," Amelia assured her, "that's just the camp's way of letting you know that you're welcome here!"

"Hey, camper lady!" another girl wondered.

"Yes? You may all call me Miss Counselor Amelia, by the way."

"Uh, Miss Counselor Amelia," the girl said, trying out the phrase, "I just got stung by a bee on my neck.....is that the camp's way of making me feel welcome?"

Amelia sweatdropped. "Um....well....."

"Miss Counselor Amelia!" a third little girl croaked, desperately. "I can't breathe! Is that the camp's way of---GASP, GASP!"

Amelia gasped and jumped to the girl's aid. "Don't worry, little girl! I'll save you!!!"

--

Xelloss ushered his group of boys into their cabin. Once inside, he glanced up at the ceiling to see a string of graffiti, which simply said, "DIE." Xelloss sweatdropped at this, hoping that it wasn't a sign predicting the week to come.

Phibby with Val in tow strode up to Xelloss. "Isn't it great that we all get to be bunk buddies?" Phibby cried, excitedly. "And with Xelloss as our counselor, we're assured to have a week chock-full of amusement and fun!"

"Whoop-dee-doo," Val groaned.

"Oh, Val," Xelloss fretted. "Val, Val, Val. You really ought to enjoy yourself! These are the years you'll—GACK!!"

Val abruptly cut him off by choking the life out of him. "If it's not my mom, it's someone else!" he complained, having heard the phrase twenty times in the past two days. "Well, I DON'T need to hear it from you!" He released Xelloss and glared at both mazoku before him. "If you two try anything funny, I SWEAR, I will kill you."

Val walked away to claim a non-crumbling bunk.

"Geez, talk about killing a mood," Phibby whispered to Xelloss.

--

Filia was brooding, not caring what the group of girls she was chaperoning did. She had it all worked out to be in charge of Val's group! What had happened? She thought she was going to get to spend a week full of memories and precious moments with _her _baby, and instead she had to spend it watching someone else's brats!

"'Scuze me, teacher?" a little voice peeped. "Where's the bathroom?"

Well, no sense in ruining the trip for everyone. "It should be right through that door at the end of the room," Filia replied. "Anyone else who needs to go should go now, because in a minute, we have to go down to the cafeteria for lunch."

A dozen little girls squealed and ran over to the bathroom door, anxiously waiting for their turns.

Filia sighed. "I should just take a nap....."

--

Gourry was still standing at the visitor's center entrance with his group of little boys, having not even attempted to find his cabin. "So, you have to always be careful out in the woods, day or night. That evil rabbit is out there, and it can smell all of you."

One responsible little boy piped up. "Uh, Mr. Counselor? Shouldn't we go find out cabin?"

Gourry stared at him. "Cabin?" he scoffed. "We're men and men sleep outside under the stars!"

Twenty little boys groaned in anguish of that thought.

"Let's roll out our sleeping bags right here!" Gourry exclaimed, getting into the "wilderness" spirit.

"But, this is the visitor's center," the boy said. "We're _inside_."

"Well, you don't want to get eaten or rained on, do you?" Gourry asked.

--

"HEY MISTER!!!" a orange-shirted boy shouted, jumping on his bed.

"What??" Gaav demanded, trying to balance three other little boys on his arm. Somehow, he had inherited the "rowdy" group of little demons, and was having great difficulty managing to keep them under control.

"Are you gonna show us how to shoot arrows?" the little boy asked, bouncing up and down, reaching for the ceiling with each bounce.

"No," Gaav replied through gritted teeth. He contemplated shaking the three boys hanging onto his arm off and into the wall, but thought back to Lina's warning and disciplined himself to keep his cool. He gently lowered the boys to the ground and pried them off of his arm.

"Listen up!" he announced to the jumping, running, screaming, and roughhousing kids. "I'm not going to let you walk all over me this week. I'm charge here, and you all have to do as I say!"

The boys stopped in the middle of their activities and looked at Gaav with an evil glare. Gaav knew then that this would be the worst week of his life.

--

Zelgadis was beginning to hate his life more and more with each second. Not only was he forced to be a counselor again, but he had been doomed with the _odd_ group. The kids wore rainbow-striped t-shirts, and if that wasn't bad enough, it was impossible to tell their gender! Every one of them had the same straight haircut, and were of the same height and build.

They all stared at poor Zel with their omnipotent eyes.

"Well," he said, "this is your cabin.....do what....whatever you're supposed to...."

They all took a step toward him simultaneously.

Zelgadis took a step backward. "Um....." he said. "I'll just be down at the mess hall if you need me.....but, if you don't, that's fine too!" He ran for his life down to the sanctuary of the kitchen.

--

Zel: 0.0 Evil!!

NoV: Just odd little rainbow children, 'tis all.

Xelloss: (sing-song) I get to room with Phi-bby!

Phibby: (sing-song) I get to room with Xe-lly!

Val: (fake sing-song) I get to room with dim-wits!

Amelia: Why is one of my little girls about to die? (looks at Zelgadis) Ooops! (snuggles with him) I meant, one of _our_ little girls....

Zelgadis: (faints)

NoV: Oh, just a random plot twist. Oh, and the little girl that got stung on the neck? That was inspired by a true story!! (stretches her collar to reveal a red bump) I got bee stingied there too!!!

Xelloss: Bee stingied??

NoV: Anyway, tune in for part two!!


	2. Mess Hall or Bust

Return to Camp Kanawanahala 

NoV: Well, sorry it took so long to get this up. School, particularly biology, is eating me alive!!

Bisho: (pretending to gnaw on NoV's arm) Beware, for I am SCHOOL!!!

NoV: -.-0 Bisho, don't try to be funny.....it's sad.

Xelloss: Children scare me.

NoV: And you don't try to be all paranoid! That's Zel's shtick!

Zel: One time.....at band camp....

NoV: (sigh) Nahga needs to be here for group therapy.....

Nahga: Did someone say BOOBS??

NoV: -.-0 Let's check in with all of our happy campers....

Quote of the chapter:

NoV: (sing-song) You slept in a bed! You slept in a bed!

Lina stared through the hole in the floor where the bed had fallen. The little girl wailed, "Now what am I going to sleep on?? Or wear?? My clothes were in that bag, y'know!"

Lina looked at her unhappy group of little girls. "Who's hungry?"

Amelia was trying to give the little girl CPR, but it didn't seem to be working! She frantically looked around her for anything that might help, but saw only trees and.....more trees.

"She's having an asthma attack," one studious little girl with thick-rimmed glasses observed. "She may also be having an allergic reaction to all the pollen around us."

"Could you have possibly said so sooner?" Amelia murmured under her breath. To the gasping girl beneath her, she said, "Little girl? Do you have an inhaler??"

The blue-faced girl nodded weakly and pointed to her abandoned backpack.

Amelia tore through the front pocket until she found the inhaler. The little girl breathed into it until she could manage to breathe normally again.

Amelia plopped onto her backside, breathing her own sigh of relief. "You know what?" she asked the group of hurting, tired girls around her. "Forget the cabin. Let's just go have lunch."

Over half of the girls were overjoyed.

Xelloss would have rather let the foul-smelling little boys rot than take them back to the mess hall, but visions of Lina's Headlock of Doom very quickly changed his mind.

"Okay!" he exclaimed, putting on a "Buddy-buddy Counselor" façade. "First one to the cafeteria gets as much ice cream as they can eat!!"

Xelloss and Phibby sweatdropped as all the children (sans Val, of course) stumbled over themselves to get out of the cabin. Three of the boys had already begun to brawl, and one was crying that his leg was broken.

Phibby patted Xelloss on the shoulder patronizingly. "Way to go, Mr. Responsible Counselor."

After every single little girl had gotten a chance to use the restroom, Filia clapped her hands together and said, "Let's head on down to the mess hall, _where I can see my little Val, _and everyone can have a great big helping of macaroni....and whatever else they're fixing today! Okay?"

"I hate macaroni," "When are we gonna go swimming??", and "Teacher, read me a story!!" were the various replies.

Filia sighed. "Come on, we'll go swimming after lunch!"

"You can't do that!! We'll all get a cramp and die!!"

"Mr. Counselor!" a little boy wailed to Gourry. "When are we gonna eat??"

Gourry's ears perked at the word "eat." He deserted his rubbing two sticks together to make fire demonstration, and ran toward the door. "Right now, guys! ....but me first!!" He raced out the door and toward the infamous mess hall.

The little boys ran after him. "No fair!!!!!"

Gaav swore. His group of campers had turned on him and pelted him with wet toilet paper, toothpaste, and Vaseline. Now he just seemed to reek of hygiene and wetness. With one flash of movement, Gaav removed his orange trenchcoat and shook it free of sanitary products.

All the little boys stopped their plots to overthrow their beloved counselor and stared at what lie underneath that trenchcoat.....

Without realizing the boys' fascination, Gaav returned his overcoat to its normal position and buttoned it up. "Now listen up!!" he yelled, furiously. "If something like this happens again, I will not hesitate to kill you all!! Are we clear?"

They all nodded. "Y-yes sir!!"

Gaav, thinking that he had finally gotten through to them, said, "Good. Now, let's go down to the kitchen so I won't have to hear you whining with hunger in the middle of the night."

"Okay!" the boys squeaked, nervously.

Zelgadis panted, arriving at the mess hall before anyone else. He stared wide-eyed at the cabin he had quickly departed from. "Those kids...." he fretted. "What _were _they?"

Xelloss phased in beside him. "Hello, Zelgadis. Enjoying yourself?"

Zel was leaning against the side of the mess hall, huffing. "They were....evil clones...."

Xelloss raised an eyebrow. "Oh....kay?"

Xelloss' group came tumbling up to the cafeteria, two in the lead.

"I got here first!" one yelled.

"No way! I did!!" the other cried, pushing the first out of the way.

Xelloss giggled. "No. _I_ got here first, so _I_ get _all_ the ice cream I want!"

"Actually," a voice said behind him. Phibby stood behind Xelloss. "_I_ got here first. So, _I_ win."

Xelloss sweatdropped. "No fair....."

Gourry led his group of boys into the midst of Xelloss and Phibby's ice cream debate. "Now, don't lose your partner!" Gourry exclaimed. The boys were all holding hands. "The buddy system is best! GASP. Food!!!" Gourry abandoned his campers and ran into the mess hall where the smell of macaroni was wafting.

Lina's group was right behind him. "OH NO YOU DON'T!!!"

Gaav proudly strode up next, a perfect neat line of boys behind him, walking meekly. "I was born to do this," he announced.

Filia brought her group into the kitchen next. "Now, be polite, everyone, and later I'll teach you all how to crochet! ....and swim!"

Amelia was carrying three of the twenty little girls. One had gotten her foot caught in a hole, another had been bitten by a raccoon, and the other was dying of heatstroke.

She set the three down inside the cafeteria, and leaned against the wall herself. "Oi.....what a day....."

NoV: I swear, the story picks up in the next chapter!

Nahga: Now, Amelia, when did your traumas begin exactly?

Amelia: (sniffle) Wh-when.....you left us.....Miss Gracia....

Nahga: (twitch) So, tell me more about your father....

Amelia: You mean _our _father?

NoV: Nahga has a degree in psychology. O.o Anyway, join us nexties!!


End file.
